Bump

By request from my “adoptive” family in Texas (Hola Garcias!) I’m trying to get out from behind the camera and get in front of it. Long before I was pregnant I had all these ideas for cute scrapbook layouts, week by week, month by month. I would tear out ideas from magazines and save them. Well, here we are, 16 weeks into this journey and not a single photo of me or the nugget-bump. Oops! 

So I had Andy take some photos tonight. He snapped a few quickly and I decided we need to work on some things. Like, it’s okay to say “Let’s try that one again, you’ve got a stupid look on your face.” Well, maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea. So, I did a little cropping to take care of those and PhotoShopped the crap out of the others so I look, you know, “normal”. It’s not so much the pasty pale skin (although I went with B&W to help that), or the tiny wrinkles around my eyes (I left those in), but it’s the bags under my eyes! I left those in on one photo for your viewing displeasure. Gross! Guess that’s the look of a soon-to-be-mother, no? :-)

 

Yep. There’s definitely a bump there!

 

And let’s not forget my first baby…

Some boys were getting a bit jealous I think.

16 weeks, one day. So far so good. Just waiting to actually feel the growing nugget any day now. We head back to the doctor for our gender ultrasound on March 17th. Keep your fingers crossed my babynugget cooperates and gives us a little show so we can tell what we’re having! (And, keep your toes crossed that it’s a boy nugget!!)

Dramatic Baby

We were so lucky to have gotten a video of part of the ultrasound! The nugget was jumping all around for the first part of the ultrasound and the u/s tech kept trying to get the baby to flip over on it’s back. She was poking around, having me flip to one side, flip to the other, cough, sit up, just anything to get Nugget to move. Then, she caught this on video, as if the baby is saying, “Oh fine! If I must!” We laughed and laughed and the baby finally turned!

The Business of Being Born

I recently renewed my Netfilx subscription (love!) and decided to watch The Business of Being Born after a girl on one of my Preggo forums mentioned it. It really got me thinking and wondering about my options for our “birth plan.”

Years ago I was terrified of needles. Deathly afraid. So, I thought there was no way in hell I’d ever consider an epidural. (I’ve seen the videos of those; the needles are bigger than my arm and they want to stick it in between my spine?!) But, I’m one to face my fears head on so I got myself a couple tattoos and decided needles aren’t so bad afterall. I’ve also had the displeasure of experiencing some pretty serious monthly cramps in my time and decided perhaps a prick of one giant needle might not be so bad to the alternative of a “natural” birth.

I’ve witnessed two births in person – one with mild drugs, one epidural, both with doctors in the hospital. The epidural seemed to be the way to go as far as being cognizant of what was going on AND having less pain. After that I thought I’d be an epidural-all-the-way kind of girl. And then I watched that movie tonight.

I saw women (including Ricki Lake) giving birth they way THEY chose – at home, in water, standing up, with clothes on, etc. And I realized, hey, maybe I don’t want to be all nekked, flat on my back, feet up in stirrups with my junk up and out for all to see. No, I really don’t. Who does? The water thing looked pretty comfortable. And rolling around on a yoga ball seems much better than people strapping down your thighs yelling at you to “Push!” and “Don’t forget to breathe!”

Now, I don’t know about the whole at home thing, that might be a little too much for me. I don’t really want to clean up that mess. But I am interested in what my options are, whether they’re normal or extreme. Nobody likes stark-white, sterile hospitals. And I’ve never been one to go to the doctor for anything other than my required annual checkup. The only reason I did is because they wouldn’t give me those lovely birth control pills without a checkup. Andy nearly carried me to the doctor one year b/c I was hacking up a lung for like two weeks. I don’t know why I don’t go to the doctor, or don’t take much medicine…it’s not that I’m afraid, I guess I just think my body is capable of healing itself. I like natural, homeopathic methods too. I dunno, I’m not a hippie or anything like that, I’ve just always been a little weird I guess. I like to go against the grain.

I am going to start seeing a midwife I think at my next visit. Not that I have anything against doctors, I just think a midwife might be more my style. Speaking of style, if I could have my way I think I’d have my birthing room like a spa…quiet and tranquil, dimly lit with relaxing scents, warm blankets and atmosphere with calming music. I want to keep some clothes on. None of this completely naked, Amazon woman stuff for me. And yeah, maybe one of those birthing tubs/mini pools and a yoga ball, just in case.  Of course, it would be reassuring to know there would be doctors and all that scary hospital equipment next door if necessary.

Think I can hook that up?!

Anyway, the movie was interesting and I would recommend it. But, I would like to hear stories and opinions of people of all kinds. Tell me about your past or current birthing plans – what did you like? Dislike? What would you do different or do again? Epidural? Meds? Nothing? Doctor? Midwife?

This is Really Happening

I’ve noticed my posts have been very few and far between since learning I was pregnant. This was partly due to my sheer exhaustion and inability to do much else than eat, go to work and attempt to do a little around the house. And today I realized the other part is due to my fear of saying anything, feeling anything just in case something went wrong. I couldn’t stand to think of feeling, experiencing, and discussing my sheer happiness with the world and then have it all ripped away from me.

While there is a small chance that could still happen, the risk shrinks a little every day. Plus, I’ve also realized that even if this baby is born and blessed with perfect health I will live the rest of my life coming to terms with the fact I have no control of the outside world and what will happen, today, tomorrow, or twenty years from now.  What I do know is that today we had an amazing 12 week appointment and ultrasound…Everything looked good! 

Our nugget has gone from a little tiny blob to looking like a real-life baby! Yes, for some reason I was slightly shocked. Lately I have been feeling almost not-pregnant. (Despite my bloated tummy, sore chest, and other pregnancy symptoms!) I tried to order some early maternity and baby stuff online this weekend but left the stuff in the online cart and shut it down. There was a tiny part of me that said, “No, just wait a couple more days until your appointment. How terrible it would be to have something be wrong and then have all this stuff delivered.” It was like I needed to see our baby again and get the good word from the doctor to be absolutely sure he or she was still there and doing well. :::sigh::: Thank goodness it all went great! I can’t imagine having to wait the full 20 weeks they originally told me I’d have to wait for my first ultrasound. That seems absolutely ridiculous!

We saw the head, heart, tiny arms and legs, little stomach…it was amazing. The little guy was jumping all over the place too! We were in there for quite a while trying to get him or her to settle down into the right position for the u/s tech to take the necessary measurements and I could not stop laughing! She said if the baby stretched out he/she would be about 4″ long! I knew there was supposed to be activity going on but I had no idea it was THAT much! We took a video of the baby being dramatic and throwing it’s little hand up to it’s forehead. SUPER cute! :::Squeal:::

So, I think it is FINALLY starting to sink in. I am absolutely pregnant. Odds are that we are really going to have a baby in less than 8 months. I’m not sure why this seems so weird to me. I’ve always wanted to have a baby, couldn’t wait to have one for a long period in my life in fact. I have witnessed two births in person and watched as nearly all my friends and family have had one, two, three, and more babies.  There are girls half my age and women almost twice my age that have given birth to healthy babies. Why has it been so difficult for me to believe that finally, this year I will get my turn?

I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s because for some reason I never realized life could be so good for me. I’ve learned how unfair Life can be at times so how is it that I finally have the wonderful life I once only dreamed about? I know that I have been very, very blessed. I have an amazing husband and having a family together will only make things more perfect. This is what life should be like for everyone. LOL – sorry to get so deep…I know I need to stop analyzing it and just enjoy it. Be thankful, and cherish every moment.

My Latest Project

My apologies Internet…it’s not that I haven’t missed you, I promise. It’s just that life got busy as it often does. Plus, I have big news. I’m not entirely lazy and swear I have a valid excuse. You see, I’ve been busy tending to this little thing:

Surprise! As tiny as it is (about 1″ right now at almost 10 weeks) I’ve been spending a lot of my free time eating, sleeping, and growing this baby.

 That’s right people, I’ve been busy crafting a baby. I am happy to say that I’ve been pretty lucky, no real morning sickness but I often feel “blah” if that makes any sense. We didn’t want to tell anyone until we made it through the first trimester but we had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and they said everything looked great and the heartbeat was strong at 166 bpm. The doctor said although bad things can still happen, since they saw a good u/s my risk has dropped to about 5%. So, we told the family at Christmas with framed photos of the ultrasound. Obviously everyone was excited and minutes later it was all over Facebook so I figured I may as well announce it myself.

So there you have it. I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things again soon but that being said, my life is changing this very moment so who knows what “normal” life will be in the coming months!

Andy & I had planned to celebrate the New Year with our neighbors but I wasn’t really feeling up to leaving the house so my wonderful husband went out and got us a bunch of movies and we played my new Clue: The Office board game. I feel bad for him at times, he’s not real sure what to do with a moody/hungry/tired/pregnant wife but he’s doing pretty well so far.

Happy New Year to all; wishing you all the happiness in 2010!

A Simple Man

Please play the video; it’s a song my Dad said he played at a church concert and I always think of him when I hear it.

When someone you love dies is it just me or does all the negativity fade behind the good memories? Not that it shouldn’t be that way, but it’s an interesting observation. Some might say it’s because that’s how it should be, and how it should’ve been before that person passed. Perhaps. But I don’t think it’s always that simple; sometimes the person has brought the negativity upon them during their life and there is nothing anyone can do to change or fix it, no matter how much they hope, dream, pray, or try.

It’s hard for those left behind to not feel some level of guilt, thinking there was more they could’ve done to mend things before it was too late. Even when that person has been estranged for many years it doesn’t ease the pain of those left behind. We are torn between being honest about the past and our dreams about how things could, and should have been.

I try to think back over the last 30 years of my life with clear, unbiased eyes and I am sad to say my Dad was not the greatest dad, husband, brother, son or friend. He was not a great man, but he had great moments. I always believed deep down he had a good heart, no matter what his actions or words may have said at the time. Good, bad, or indifferent, right or wrong, he was always loved as a dad, husband, grandfather, brother, son and friend.

My Dad once told me that he was a firm believer in doing what you want, living your life however you choose. And so he did, not realizing how truly selfish that can be when the consequences catch up to not only to you, but your family. It took a long time but his unregulated life betrayed him and hurt a lot of people he loved. Though he may have never apologized directly, I believe he understood and in his own way took responsibility for his carelessness.

I am thankful that in recent years we had a much better, though distant, relationship. I can find some peace in knowing that I did not lose him wishing I had told him anything. No, I told him everything I ever wanted; every angry word, every sad word, every loving word. Although the time between our short visits typically spanned in years, I am so very thankful that my Grandparents arranged for us to see him just a few weeks ago.

We didn’t have much to say; mostly we just sat as we often did during those visits. I’d tell him about school or work and he’d tell me about his latest concert and how he was teaching others to play the guitar. The last trip though, I somehow knew that would be our final hours together but I didn’t want that to poison our visit. I fought back tears as I asked him about his plans for the future, what he wanted to do when he came home. He said he had a friend that had land up North and he wanted to take my Grandpa fishing for a couple days. He looked forward to playing his own guitar again, the one Andy & I recently had repaired and polished as sort of a “welcome home” gift, the one he will never touch again, and the one I will keep forever in his memory.

My Dad was a simple man. He loved to play guitar, ride his motorcycle, camp and fish. He wasn’t a great man, but he had great moments. He had the patience of a saint when teaching me how to drive a stick-shift and he lent a shoulder when my “first love” broke my heart. He honored his marriage and stuck by my Mom through thick and thin. He loved his grandchildren and cherished every moment with them as though they were his second chance to be a good father. He undoubtedly veered from the path of the Lord but he was a Believer and spent much of his recent years playing guitar for the church.

He and I were at odds through life about a lot of things. I cannot say in good faith that he was the best Dad I could’ve hoped for, but he is the only Dad I will ever have. Despite it all, I have never been able to fight the fact that that point alone provides some degree of unconditional love. Now that we are unable to make new memories, I will piece together the good scraps of the past and weave his memory into the Dad I always hoped he wanted to be.

David Lynn Zaruba

9/27/55 – 8/29/09

Forever In Our Hearts

Prayer of Faith

We trust that beyond absence there is a presence.

That beyond the pain there can be healing.

That beyond the brokenness there can be wholeness.

That beyond the anger there may be peace.

That beyond the hurting there may be forgiveness.

That beyond the silence there may be the word.

That beyond the word there may be understanding.

That through understanding there is love.

– Author Unknown

From the Mouths of Babes

I called my Grandma the other day to let her know we were back from our trip. She was babysitting my not-quite-3-year-old niece who always wants to talk to whomever is calling. She is hilarious. I thought I’d share:

Me: Hey! What are you doing?

Alyssa: (disappointed) Laura! I thought you were my mom.

Me: Nope. It’s not your Mom. Just me. What are you doing?

Alyssa: At Grandmas.

Me: Yeah? You having fun? Eating candy?

Alyssa: Yeah…Hey, know what?

Me: What?

Alyssa: Next time I’m going to your house.

Me: Oh yeah, when?

Alyssa: After church because I hafta go to the nursery and I hate that nursery. I don’t wanna go there.

Me: (Holding back my laughter) What? You don’t like it there?

Alyssa: No! I hate that nursery!

Me: That’s not very nice to say.

Alyssa: (matter-of-factly) Don’t care. I hate that nursery. Don’t wanna go there. I wanta go to your house. Where’s Andy? What’s Andy doing? He at home playing guitar? Can I come over?

LOL! I don’t know what the deal is with the nursery but apparently she’s not liking it! She had me cracking up because she’s suddenly so talkative! Usually I’m lucky to get a “Hi Laura” out of her…it’s always “Where’s Andy?”

Anyway, thought I’d share. =)

How Cute Are These??

Aaliyah has been really good lately so we asked her to spend the night last weekend since we (amazingly) had a free night. Christy stopped by to drop off her overnight bag and of course little Alyssa came too. She is getting so big and is FINALLY talking around me. She has the cutest little polka dot coat and when I saw those Stride Rite  shoes shown above they reminded me of her. I poked around the website and found other fun shoes for kids. Since I doubt I can get away with wearing fun shoes like that (aside from my awesome polka dot rain boots that Andy loves so much…or not) I thought I’d post a couple of my favorites here.

Behold, the Giselle Toddler Pediped Sandals.

These cute little sandals are available in brown or white.

Ooooh! I love, love, LOVE these pink & brown Mary Janes! =)

The site says these shoes are ”Approved by the American Podiatric Medical Association for contributing to the healthy feet of children.” And, for anyone interested in some sale shopping (and who isn’t?) Stride Rite is offering a 1999 Price Sale where they will roll back their prices to the prices in 1999. Nice!

How important is it to you to get good quality shoes for your little ones? Do you think they take care of them enough to justify the price? Do they grow out of them too fast? These are just a few things that I thought about since we don’t have kids to buy for yet. What are your thoughts?

Crazy Kid…

My niece Aaliyah was over for lunch and showed me this:

I freaked out a little bit. “OMG!!! What the heck happened to your face?” I gasped, thinking she had been beat…or got in a fight, or had been hurt in some way or something.

Grandma calmed me down and said that apparently her lovely daycare gave the kids poppers to play with. You know, the plastic things that look like this:

 

But wait…it wasn’t just the three. They gave her seventeen. Because they came in packs, Aaliyah explained.

And apparently they let her suction them all over her face. Nice. (In defense of the daycare my niece can sometimes tell tales so I don’t know for SURE the daycare gave them to her. But, I will say her daycare is not my favorite place so I wouldn’t put it past them.)

P.S. After I realized she wasn’t hurt, and this was her own doing, I just had to go grab my camera. Aaliyah told me, “Hey, it’s not funny!” when I asked to take her picture. I wasn’t laughing, but her response  made me laugh a little.

It really is her own fault, she’s old enough to know better. It kind of reminded me of the 4th grade when my classmate told me to squeeze my chin real hard for 30 seconds. I looked very similar to Aaliyah. The things we do when we’re kids, right?!

Uncle Andy was more annoyed at the very thought of these stupid toys than anything. Haha! Needless to say, he confiscated every single popper she had on her.  :-) Surprisingly, she handed them over willingly. That husband of mine…he has his ways.

Dollhouse Bunk Bed – Photos are Posted!

As promised….HERE are some photos!

 

This was our inspiration:

But a $1400 bed that you not only had to buy, but pay to ship, then assemble yourself wasn’t really in my sister’s budget. We asked Andy what he could do and this is what he came up with:

This is probably the best full front shot I got…it was a tight squeeze in the room so it was hard to get good pictures. P.S. That’s a flower box on the front, without the flowers. It’s not entirely done yet, we want to add a little storage on the side by the ladder, and we had to made a few minor adjustments along the way, but all in all, it’s pretty awesome.

We even had to remove the fan blades and disable the fan because it was in the way.

But everyone loved it anyway, especially the girls!

Remember this is what they started with:

And now they have a fun girlie purple room! We still have to make some more storage areas, and a little desk along the back wall, but I think it’s coming along quite nicely!

 

 

 

Let me break it down for you:

Lumber: $150
Paint: $30
Time: 1 weekend
Tools: Several
Having an amazingly talented Uncle that loves you enough to custom build your dream room: Priceless!

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