Adventures in Breastfeeding

Since I will have to go back to work one of these days I knew I needed to get a good breast pump if I wanted to keep Kayden from having formula. Most everyone suggested I get a Medela pump, the mecca of all pumps. I had no idea what features I wanted/needed but the lady at the medical supply store said they could barely keep the Freestyle pump in stock. I looked at the box. It boasts you can go completely hands free if you wish. Sounds good to me. And according to the photo I could pump right there at my desk and keep on working!

Just think Susan (if you are reading this), you guys could look over and that would be me in the middle of catalog season, not missing a beat! LOL Okay, so  I’ll have to book a conference room or lock myself in the private bathroom a few times a day. Fine. It’s for a good cause.

I’ve been pretty lazy about the whole pumping thing right now but decided I need to get more serious if I want to make sure Baby K has enough stock for the sitter in 7 more weeks (sniff, sniff). Right now 3 oz per session is fabulous for me. I thought I was doing good until my friend told me she could get 12 oz!!! Of course, she said that is not the norm, she is what they call a “super producer.” Although, if I could get 3 oz several times a day it will be fine. (And P.S., not all boobs are created equal…one is more productive than the other. Weird. Not that you really needed to know that, but I just felt like sharing I guess.)

Last night I decided to finally dig out all the straps of my new contraption and figure out just how this crazy hands-free thing works. While it is super convenient and not that difficult once you get the hang of it, it looks pretty funny once you’re all strapped up. Let’s just say I have a new appreciation for cows. I walked into the living room to show Andy, who promptly busted up laughing. He thought I needed to post a photo. Sorry, even though I’m willing to share a photo of my rear end on the Internet (which by the way is shrinking every day!) I am NOT going to post an actual photo of me pumping my udders. I think you get the idea just fine with the photo up above. However, I’m sort of wondering if the neighbors could see me through the windows. Not that you can see anything really, it’s all covered, but it was a little ironic that my one neighbor posted on facebook last night “I love boobs.” Hmmm…I’m going with it was just a coincidence. Even so, perhaps I should not walk around the house during my sessions.

Anyway, everything was going well. I decided I really liked this thing, I could seriously hook myself up, go about my business and not be bothered by it. I was able to get a solid 3 oz this morning while doing my hair and makeup – yippee! I was feeling so good about things that I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to hook it up in the car on our trip to Baxter today. Andy drives so as a passenger it seemed easy enough. I brought a sweater which I put on backwards to cover myself as not to give the truckers a show.

When the time came I grabbed my bag, got myself hooked up, pressed the power button and screamed. It. Was. Painful. Thinking I must be sore from all the nursing and pumping I tried to adjust things and lower the suction power. I kept telling myself  “Stop being a baby…you need to power through this for your daughter. She NEEDS you to be strong and just get through it.” So I kept trying. And trying (screaming), and trying (more screaming).

After about 5 honest and excruciating attempts, when tears were about to spill, I realized something indeed was wrong. The suction had never been this strong and even my first attempts in pumping had never felt this terrible. I disassembled and reassembled each side and everything seemed in the right place, I had done nothing different than I had earlier this morning so I could not figure it out. Then I noticed something. The rubber membrane was acting funny. Normally it should suck, release, suck, release. This time it just sucked and stayed there; no wonder it friggin’ hurt – there was no release at all; it was like I strapped a Dyson on each side of my chest and turned it on full blast. Ow, ow, OWWWWW!!!!

A quick Google search indicated I am not the only one who has had this issue. I promptly called the Medela customer support who told me they thought the membrane must have residue or moisture on it to stick like it did. Well, considering I washed and dried it like every other time I was a bit leery. But, we were in the car driving so I couldn’t run over and re-was and dry it to rule that out. The lady said she had to track my call and offered to send me out a couple replacement parts but suggested in the meantime I try washing the parts again.

Fabulous. My $400 pump already needs replacement parts.

Once we got to our destination I promptly washed all the parts and let them air dry as recommended. Then I tried it again (NOT hooking it up to me, just watching the membrane move) and it stuck again, on both pieces. I just don’t get it. How could both sides be jacked up all of a sudden??? Thank goodness we’re getting replacement parts, hopefully soon. But this is going to mess up my already messed up pumping schedule. And, if these particular parts aren’t the true problem then we have to worry about finding out what is. Ugh.

WHY does this have to be such a pain?! (Literally!!)

The Big Decision

RETRO POST

I wrote this last year and kept it in a safe place until I decided whether or not I wanted to publish it. Although it’s quite personal, maybe it will help others who are feeling the same as I was at the time.

* * *

I am writing this post today, October 2, 2009 not knowing when I will be able to make it public, if ever. I debated whether or not it’s a good idea for me to write about it at all, but I’ve always had an innate need to write, mostly and especially when I have serious or deep thoughts about something. This is a big and very personal decision in my life and I feel the need to write about it, even if no one will ever read it or if it will be read a long time from today.

I want to talk about my/our decision to try to start a family; my current feeling is to keep things private until we are in the clear so I will tuck this away until the time is right.

For many, many years I couldn’t wait to grow up, get married, have a baby and start my family. I always thought I’d be one of the first Moms out of my group of friends from high school. Turns out I’m one of the last. At one time it really bothered me…I didn’t want to be an “old” Mom. In fact, I wanted to be done having two, possibly three children by the time I was 25. Yikes! Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking!

Obviously it was important to me to have other things situated – the right husband, a nice home, a higher education, and a good job. As Andy and I began to build our life together I got really excited about the idea of having a family with him and I couldn’t wait to get married, get a new house, have a baby. When we talked about when would be a good time a few years back I didn’t think I could stand to wait until 2009 or after! But, I wanted to do things “the right way” and I wanted to take time to enjoy planning our perfect wedding, and to finish our MBAs.

Funny thing is, now that 2009 is nearly over and those things are a thing of the past, I started to think quite the opposite; I really liked our life and at one point began to question if I wanted children at all anymore. There were so many things to worry about when you’re a parent and the only way I knew how to prevent them from happening was to avoid it completely. I remember just a few months ago when I was out in DC I went to a bookstore. I walked past the pregnancy section and remembered how I used to feel about being excited to have a baby. I picked up a few books and flipped through them. I no longer felt excited or happy about it. In fact, I surprised myself by getting almost nauseous and stressed out about it. My heart was racing and I was driving myself nuts at the mere thought; I had to get away from those books – the thought alone was making me sick! I couldn’t believe it! Now that my life was absolutely perfect in every way I could ever want, for the first time in my life I suddenly didn’t think I would want to have a baby, ever.

Andy never wavered. He stood by the fact that he wanted kids one day but was agreeable to waiting awhile. He assured me my fears were not uncommon and could be conquered if we both worked together to be the best parents we could. If I wanted to wait, he was fine with that. (He is amazing, isn’t he?)

It has been a crazy few months. I’m not sure when exactly it started, maybe after graduation, but I have been questioning this subject almost on a daily basis. Ugh. It has been terrible.What do I really want? Can I overcome my fears? Why do I feel like this? What if I wait too long and change my mind? What if I can’t have children? Sometimes I would bring up the topic with Andy and bless his heart he has been so patient, promising me it’s not as bad as I think. He suggested I stop thinking about all the potential negative aspects and instead focus on the good parts.

And then, almost instantly I changed my mind again. It sounds odd, I know. It’s not like I’m deciding what I’ll have for lunch…I’m talking about a human life, a decision that will affect not only my life, but to some extent the lives of our families, too. I’m not really sure what happend. My whole perspective started to change, like almost instantly. I got to thinking about the time I spent with my nieces, and the things we talked about during our Girl Trip. My old BFFs and I talked a lot on the way there and back about a ton of things in life. When KC sang “There Goes My Life” Natalea leaned over to me and said, “This is really what it’s like.” When I got back that weekend I finished reading “The Big Love,” which is about a girl in her early 30s going through relationship issues. There were several meaningful passages in that book that really hit home and it made me stop and think about how wonderful my life is with Andy, how I didn’t want to live the rest of our lives just the two of us, and how I wanted to experience the joys and even the challenges of having a family with him. Suddenly, I very much wanted that to happen. Like now!

Andy & I had the big discussion recently and decided that we would start with (excuse the pun) baby steps by no longer taking measures to prevent it from happening. Of course, my controlling/planning /obsessive self took over almost immediately and the next thing you know I’m all excited, doing everything I can to help my fertility and really hoping that it happens…soon!

So, if you are reading this it is either because I am in fact pregnant, or am having trouble getting pregnant and have opened up about the challenges I’m experiencing. Let’s hope it’s the first option. I’m usually not this lucky, but I literally just wrote this post on how I’m oddly happy today. In the back of my mind I am hoping it is because my body has a secret and that I am in fact one of the very lucky girls who is in the process of getting pregnant right now, on the very first attempt.

* * *

Well, here we are just 10 short months later and I am sitting with our beautiful baby asleep in my arms. Not once during this incredible journey did I question our decision or get scared about the future again. I know there will be some challenges in the years to come, but I hear the joys outweigh the bad stuff tenfold. Plus, come what may, I truly believe Andy & I can get through anything together. 

Despite numerous people telling us how our lives will never be the same…do this and that now before it’s too late, things will be chaotic…etc., Andy & I both agree the transition into parenthood has not bothered us one bit. I decided it must mean we were definitely ready and the time was right. No doubt about it, Kayden is a wonderful blessing and a welcome addition to our life. Now that we have her I cannot imagine a moment without her.

She is unquestionably one of the best decisions and greatest accomplishments of my entire life.

Birth Announcements

I am excited to get Kayden’s birth announcements sometime next week hopefully!

Free Canvas Print

I’m super excited…I was poking around the Freebies on the How Does She blog and I found an offer for a free 8×10 canvas print! Or, you can do like I did and upgrade to a larger version at a discounted price plus shipping.

You may recall the card we received from Andy’s Grandma in this post. I loved it so much I knew I needed to do more than just save the card so I used the verse on one of our favorite photos to create this:

I used the special offer from the Canvas People to save $55 off a 11″ x 14″ canvas print. Cannot wait to see it! I may cry every time I read it.

Favorite Things

I’ve quickly discovered a few of my favorite things. (I mean, other than raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.)

Graco Pack ‘n Play® Playard with Newborn Napper®

First, after having to be plugged into the biliblanket for several days we learned how convenient and useful the Pack ‘n Play is. Rather than unplug her, hike her upstairs, replug her and put her to bed each night we simply slept downstairs in the living room with her. Andy likes to fall asleep on the couch watching TV anyway so it worked out beautifully! Kayden slept in the super soft, removable bassinet part of the Pack ’n Play . The removable changing station and diaper stacker is so handy to have nearby. I added a plastic bag next to the diaper stacker and have the top portion of the napping station (below the bassinet and changing station) packed with extra diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, blankets and pacifiers. Makes it VERY easy to tend to her needs in the middle of the night because everything you need is right there.

 

Total Baby Application for my iPhone

At first I wondered if it would be worth the $4.99 for this app. I still have quite a lot left on my gift card from last Christmas but I’m forever a cheap frugal girl and think carefully before buying apps, especially since there are so many good free ones out there. This one was definitely worth it.

I didn’t think it would be all that difficult to remember when I last fed and changed Kayden, but after a few nights of little to no sleep I’m lucky to wake up knowing her name let alone what time I fed her, for how long and from which side she nursed. So yes, this handy app is wonderful; you can track all that and more with just a click of a button – diaper changing (what time, if she was wet/dirty/both), feeding (which side nursing/bottle/food), nap times, bath times, other timers. 

Additionally, it tracks doctor appointments, growth, vaccines, allergies, milestones and even has a journaling function.  It also allows you to export data via e-mail or sync/backup/restore via Wi-Fi connection. I don’t use the app to its full capabilities at this time but I do love it.

 

Munchkin: Jelly Bean® Reversible Sling

This sling is awesome! I just got it out of the package yesterday and already love it. Kayden is comforted by being close to me and it allows me to keep my hands free to type, do housework, eat, etc. My hypnobirthing instructor said they are great for breastfeeding in public too so I’ll have to work on that so I won’t have to park out in the middle of nowhere in the mall parking lot to feed her like I did yesterday!

The sling is reversible, providing a couple different fabric options and it’s very comfortable. I have another sling that is just a single type of fabric and I must say I prefer the reversible sling…it feels sturdier and also has a padded edge on one side. The website says it can be worn in several different positions, which I can try as she gets older. There are no rings or buckles to worry about so that is nice too.

 

That’s all for now! I’m sure I’ll discover more as time goes on. =)

*Note: This is NOT a sponsored post. But if Graco, Munchkin, or any other baby product company WANTS to sponsor a post I’d be happy to write one (or more!) =)

Strike a Pose

Here’s a sneak peek of our newborn photos taken yesterday, courtesy of the fabulous Ann Steward: 

Daddy calls this my Lady Gaga photo.

 Black & Pink & Poka Dots – Mommy loves this!

 

 

I Cried Today

While Daddy was getting his swell on at the gym today, Kayden and I sat at home (still plugged into the biliblanket) watching TV. I looked down at her tiny face and felt the tears stream down mine. She is absolutely beautiful; half Andy, half me, 100% amazing. I have never felt happier, or more blessed than I do now. Her presence has filled a spot in my heart I never knew was missing. I always knew being a Mommy would be wonderful, but had no idea how powerful it would feel when that day came.

I swear someone might have to surgically remove this baby from my arms one of these days. My friend Vicki, a mother of four, gave me some good advice. She said “So what if you hold her every day. Sure she might get used to it and hang on you for the next few years but so what? One day she won’t want much to do with you so you go ahead and hold her all you want now no matter what anyone says.” Thanks Vicki, that makes me feel better. =) 

I was also thinking about the most amazing card we got from Andy’s Grandma Meckley. It reads:

SOMEDAY, she’ll be a famous pianist
or a high school science teacher.
She’ll settle down, marry, have a couple of kids.
Maybe she won’t.

SOMEDAY, she’ll help millions of people
all over the world.
Or maybe she’ll travel,
send letters from Africa
or phone you from Rome.
SOMEDAY, she’ll be a strong,
confident woman…

…but you’ll always remember
the first time
you held her in your arms.

SOMEDAY, she’ll have
her own hopes and dreams,
not knowing that once upon
a quiet time, you closed your eyes
and dreamed
to have her in your life.

So yes, I cried today. I might even cry tomorrow. But it’s okay; they are all happy tears. I am simply bubbling over with pure happiness.

Maternity Photos

Thank goodness we were able to get our maternity photos done before Kayden arrived!

Some of my faves:

More located HERE.

I am super excited to see Kayden’s newborn photos too! Those are scheduled for next week. Photos courtesy of www.annstewardphotography.com

First Doctor Visit

We took Kayden for her newborn visit yesterday. Everything was great except Dr. Wenck still thought she looked like she had Jaundice. Test results came back at 14.4 and they suggest we use a Biliblanket for a couple days and go back for another visit on Friday. =(

The Biliblanket is a paddle with fiber-optic light that is placed on her back 24/7, or as much as possible. It will help break down the bilirubin so her little body can process and get rid of it. Poor little baby looks like an electric glow-worm.

Good news is she is nursing better and more frequently so that will also help flush the bilirubin out of her system. Hopefully we can get rid of the equipment tomorrow and have a mobile baby again!

The First Night Home

    

Kayden came home on Tuesday, July 20th. Andy & I were both exhausted but unbelievably happy.

Meeting the dogs:

The dogs were wound up like an 8-day clock when we got home, which is par for the course when we’ve been gone for a few days. Plus, Andy gave them all baths right away, another surefire way to get them all crazy. Then obviously Kayden brought in a lot of new sounds and scents so the dogs were C-R-A-Z-Y trying to take her in and see what she was all about!

We took her to visit my grandparents that afternoon and she had a few visitors in the early evening.  I tried to sleep during the day/evening since she was sleeping but I was too excited; I just wanted to hold her, stare at her and love on her every moment I could. So, while I sat in awe over our beautiful baby Andy was in full force picking up the house getting things in order and cleaning, which is always nice. =)

I tried to nurse her as much as possible due to the low blood sugar issue in the hospital. She was getting better, but not where she needed to be yet. Andy & I finally started to wind down around 10 PM or so and wouldn’t you know that’s about the time little Miss Kayden decided to get up. =) None of us got much sleep that night.

Kayden suddenly caught on to nursing and wanted to nurse 15-30 minutes at a time every hour or two so I let her. Later the doctor said 15 minutes per side was enough, she was likely using me as a pacifier. But, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she’s getting enough and that her levels are appropriate.

How will we ever be able to say no to this face?

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