Adventures in Breastfeeding
Since I will have to go back to work one of these days I knew I needed to get a good breast pump if I wanted to keep Kayden from having formula. Most everyone suggested I get a Medela pump, the mecca of all pumps. I had no idea what features I wanted/needed but the lady at the medical supply store said they could barely keep the Freestyle pump in stock. I looked at the box. It boasts you can go completely hands free if you wish. Sounds good to me. And according to the photo I could pump right there at my desk and keep on working!
Just think Susan (if you are reading this), you guys could look over and that would be me in the middle of catalog season, not missing a beat! LOL Okay, so I’ll have to book a conference room or lock myself in the private bathroom a few times a day. Fine. It’s for a good cause.
I’ve been pretty lazy about the whole pumping thing right now but decided I need to get more serious if I want to make sure Baby K has enough stock for the sitter in 7 more weeks (sniff, sniff). Right now 3 oz per session is fabulous for me. I thought I was doing good until my friend told me she could get 12 oz!!! Of course, she said that is not the norm, she is what they call a “super producer.” Although, if I could get 3 oz several times a day it will be fine. (And P.S., not all boobs are created equal…one is more productive than the other. Weird. Not that you really needed to know that, but I just felt like sharing I guess.)
Last night I decided to finally dig out all the straps of my new contraption and figure out just how this crazy hands-free thing works. While it is super convenient and not that difficult once you get the hang of it, it looks pretty funny once you’re all strapped up. Let’s just say I have a new appreciation for cows. I walked into the living room to show Andy, who promptly busted up laughing. He thought I needed to post a photo. Sorry, even though I’m willing to share a photo of my rear end on the Internet (which by the way is shrinking every day!) I am NOT going to post an actual photo of me pumping my udders. I think you get the idea just fine with the photo up above. However, I’m sort of wondering if the neighbors could see me through the windows. Not that you can see anything really, it’s all covered, but it was a little ironic that my one neighbor posted on facebook last night “I love boobs.” Hmmm…I’m going with it was just a coincidence. Even so, perhaps I should not walk around the house during my sessions.
Anyway, everything was going well. I decided I really liked this thing, I could seriously hook myself up, go about my business and not be bothered by it. I was able to get a solid 3 oz this morning while doing my hair and makeup – yippee! I was feeling so good about things that I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to hook it up in the car on our trip to Baxter today. Andy drives so as a passenger it seemed easy enough. I brought a sweater which I put on backwards to cover myself as not to give the truckers a show.
When the time came I grabbed my bag, got myself hooked up, pressed the power button and screamed. It. Was. Painful. Thinking I must be sore from all the nursing and pumping I tried to adjust things and lower the suction power. I kept telling myself “Stop being a baby…you need to power through this for your daughter. She NEEDS you to be strong and just get through it.” So I kept trying. And trying (screaming), and trying (more screaming).
After about 5 honest and excruciating attempts, when tears were about to spill, I realized something indeed was wrong. The suction had never been this strong and even my first attempts in pumping had never felt this terrible. I disassembled and reassembled each side and everything seemed in the right place, I had done nothing different than I had earlier this morning so I could not figure it out. Then I noticed something. The rubber membrane was acting funny. Normally it should suck, release, suck, release. This time it just sucked and stayed there; no wonder it friggin’ hurt – there was no release at all; it was like I strapped a Dyson on each side of my chest and turned it on full blast. Ow, ow, OWWWWW!!!!
A quick Google search indicated I am not the only one who has had this issue. I promptly called the Medela customer support who told me they thought the membrane must have residue or moisture on it to stick like it did. Well, considering I washed and dried it like every other time I was a bit leery. But, we were in the car driving so I couldn’t run over and re-was and dry it to rule that out. The lady said she had to track my call and offered to send me out a couple replacement parts but suggested in the meantime I try washing the parts again.
Fabulous. My $400 pump already needs replacement parts.
Once we got to our destination I promptly washed all the parts and let them air dry as recommended. Then I tried it again (NOT hooking it up to me, just watching the membrane move) and it stuck again, on both pieces. I just don’t get it. How could both sides be jacked up all of a sudden??? Thank goodness we’re getting replacement parts, hopefully soon. But this is going to mess up my already messed up pumping schedule. 
And, if these particular parts aren’t the true problem then we have to worry about finding out what is. Ugh.
WHY does this have to be such a pain?! (Literally!!)
Wardrobe Malfunctions
I have the worst luck with clothes. Seriously. This is part of the reason I hate shopping as well as how I can be just as happy with a $5 shirt as a $50 shirt…it doesn’t matter how much or little it costs, odds are I will ruin it just the same.
Unfortunately $5 nursing bras don’t exist. Nope. If they did I’d have more than one. I was going to buy a few more now that I’ve experienced how handy they are but then I found this tutorial on how to revamp your existing bras into nursing bras and decided that would be the thrifty way to go. Regardless, you can imagine my frustration when I took my one and only genuine nursing bra out of the laundry to find a bent hook.
Grr! You’d think after this has happend a couple times with regular bras I’d be more committed to washing them by hand or using a lingerie bag. Well, I do it for awhile and then I get lazy. In the past I’ve thrown away the mangled bras because they simply will not hook and I thought they were ruined. My creative juices must’ve been flowing this morning because I got the idea to sew on one of those nifty bra extenders to fix this problem.
When my ribcage was expanding on my ever-growing pregnant body I was too cheap to buy all new bras and instead bought some extenders for less than $1.00. Seems like a pretty good idea to me! And now I know how to fix the stupid bras that get eaten in the washer and dryer! Judging by the rest of my morning went I should probably repair the bra ASAP today rather than put it off for another day. Keep reading to find out why.
I pretty much hate clothes (due to all the trouble and stress they cause) but I have lots of them. Enough to fill two closets and then some, but I only have a handful of items that I like and truly fit well. However, having a post-baby body has only complicated things. Pre-baby I had a few pair of jeans that fit well. Those jeans *almost* fit post-baby, but still not very well. I was pretty excited this morning when I found a pair at the bottom of a pile in my closet this morning, pulled them on and they fit! A little snug, but not too bad. I was happy to be able to wear “regular” jeans today as opposed to my maternity jeans which are now loose and sloppy, yet better fitting than 99% of my “normal” clothes.
I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror and decided they my outfit was good enough. Note: I did not check myself out from the back view. Big mistake. (Are you picking up on the foreshadowing I’m laying down people?!) I was in somewhat of a rush as Kayden had a doctor appointment and I needed to get things rounded up before heading out.
After our doctor appointment (which was awesome, by the way, - My big girl has grown 2″ and is at an acceptable weight of 8 pounds 1 ounce!) we met my Aunt Sharon at Village Inn for brunch. As we are walking in with Aunt Sharon behind us, I hear, “Um, Laura…did you know your jeans have a rip in them?”
Uh oh. “WHAT?”
I reach back, place my hand on my rear and feel a tear along the side of the pocket. Oops. Suddenly I remembered WHY these jeans were at the bottom of a pile in my closet…I was always going to repair them but I forgot about it as I couldn’t wear them while pregnant anyhow. That’s what I get for not doing projects when I think of doing them!
Thank goodness I was also wearing an undershirt, which I immediately pulled down to cover my exposed rear. It probably looked a little stupid, but better than what was hiding underneath.
Oh. Em. Gee. I just walked around the doctor’s office like this:
Classy Laura, real classy. (And yes I did just post a photo of my bare buns on the internet. I am overflowing with classiness today.)
I don’t know what’s worse…that I grabbed a thong for the first time in who knows how many months, or that I could’ve been wearing my Hello Kitty or polk-a-dot granny panties for all to see. Actually, looking at the photo I think the absolute worst thing is realizing that at some point my butt got so so large that not even stretchy denim could contain it. I could blame that on being pregnant at the time but does that even count/matter now that I’m not?! Baby or no baby, there’s still too much junk in this trunk.
Ugh. 4 lbs to get back to pre-baby weight (which was still my all-time high so that isn’t saying much I guess) and pre-baby shape is another story. Maybe I better consider Andy the Giant’s offer to help get me on a meal and exercise plan. Grrr. Why can’t you burn a ton of calories surfing the internet??? I am so not a fitness freak any more. =( You’d think that would motivate me to jump on the treadmill the moment I walked in the door. Nope. Instead I had to run to the computer to tell the world what a fat-@$$ I am!
Oh well. So a few people may have seen my lovely torn jeans. So what…at least it was an accident. It still doesn’t qualify me as one of the People of Walmart, does it? Now these people KNOW they are leaving the house looking like that! (Oddly enough Wally World was on our list of places to go today, but I kept checking that my undershirt was in place to hide the damage!)
Besides, it could’ve been worse. As a new nursing mother I have a tiny fear in the back of my mind I’m going to go walking out of the house with a bare boob exposed one of these days. (LOL - on that note, the other day I was nursing Kayden on one side and pumping on the other when Andy came home. He said ”Ya know, I always imagined you walking around the house naked but this is NOT what I had in mind.” Haha!)
Ahhh, the trials and tribulations of being a new mom. I’m guessing this is only the beginning.
The Big Decision
RETRO POST
I wrote this last year and kept it in a safe place until I decided whether or not I wanted to publish it. Although it’s quite personal, maybe it will help others who are feeling the same as I was at the time.
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I am writing this post today, October 2, 2009 not knowing when I will be able to make it public, if ever. I debated whether or not it’s a good idea for me to write about it at all, but I’ve always had an innate need to write, mostly and especially when I have serious or deep thoughts about something. This is a big and very personal decision in my life and I feel the need to write about it, even if no one will ever read it or if it will be read a long time from today.
I want to talk about my/our decision to try to start a family; my current feeling is to keep things private until we are in the clear so I will tuck this away until the time is right.
For many, many years I couldn’t wait to grow up, get married, have a baby and start my family. I always thought I’d be one of the first Moms out of my group of friends from high school. Turns out I’m one of the last. At one time it really bothered me…I didn’t want to be an “old” Mom. In fact, I wanted to be done having two, possibly three children by the time I was 25. Yikes! Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking!
Obviously it was important to me to have other things situated – the right husband, a nice home, a higher education, and a good job. As Andy and I began to build our life together I got really excited about the idea of having a family with him and I couldn’t wait to get married, get a new house, have a baby. When we talked about when would be a good time a few years back I didn’t think I could stand to wait until 2009 or after! But, I wanted to do things “the right way” and I wanted to take time to enjoy planning our perfect wedding, and to finish our MBAs.
Funny thing is, now that 2009 is nearly over and those things are a thing of the past, I started to think quite the opposite; I really liked our life and at one point began to question if I wanted children at all anymore. There were so many things to worry about when you’re a parent and the only way I knew how to prevent them from happening was to avoid it completely. I remember just a few months ago when I was out in DC I went to a bookstore. I walked past the pregnancy section and remembered how I used to feel about being excited to have a baby. I picked up a few books and flipped through them. I no longer felt excited or happy about it. In fact, I surprised myself by getting almost nauseous and stressed out about it. My heart was racing and I was driving myself nuts at the mere thought; I had to get away from those books – the thought alone was making me sick! I couldn’t believe it! Now that my life was absolutely perfect in every way I could ever want, for the first time in my life I suddenly didn’t think I would want to have a baby, ever.
Andy never wavered. He stood by the fact that he wanted kids one day but was agreeable to waiting awhile. He assured me my fears were not uncommon and could be conquered if we both worked together to be the best parents we could. If I wanted to wait, he was fine with that. (He is amazing, isn’t he?)
It has been a crazy few months. I’m not sure when exactly it started, maybe after graduation, but I have been questioning this subject almost on a daily basis. Ugh. It has been terrible.What do I really want? Can I overcome my fears? Why do I feel like this? What if I wait too long and change my mind? What if I can’t have children? Sometimes I would bring up the topic with Andy and bless his heart he has been so patient, promising me it’s not as bad as I think. He suggested I stop thinking about all the potential negative aspects and instead focus on the good parts.
And then, almost instantly I changed my mind again. It sounds odd, I know. It’s not like I’m deciding what I’ll have for lunch…I’m talking about a human life, a decision that will affect not only my life, but to some extent the lives of our families, too. I’m not really sure what happend. My whole perspective started to change, like almost instantly. I got to thinking about the time I spent with my nieces, and the things we talked about during our Girl Trip. My old BFFs and I talked a lot on the way there and back about a ton of things in life. When KC sang “There Goes My Life” Natalea leaned over to me and said, “This is really what it’s like.” When I got back that weekend I finished reading “The Big Love,” which is about a girl in her early 30s going through relationship issues. There were several meaningful passages in that book that really hit home and it made me stop and think about how wonderful my life is with Andy, how I didn’t want to live the rest of our lives just the two of us, and how I wanted to experience the joys and even the challenges of having a family with him. Suddenly, I very much wanted that to happen. Like now!
Andy & I had the big discussion recently and decided that we would start with (excuse the pun) baby steps by no longer taking measures to prevent it from happening. Of course, my controlling/planning /obsessive self took over almost immediately and the next thing you know I’m all excited, doing everything I can to help my fertility and really hoping that it happens…soon!
So, if you are reading this it is either because I am in fact pregnant, or am having trouble getting pregnant and have opened up about the challenges I’m experiencing. Let’s hope it’s the first option. I’m usually not this lucky, but I literally just wrote this post on how I’m oddly happy today. In the back of my mind I am hoping it is because my body has a secret and that I am in fact one of the very lucky girls who is in the process of getting pregnant right now, on the very first attempt.
* * *
Well, here we are just 10 short months later and I am sitting with our beautiful baby asleep in my arms. Not once during this incredible journey did I question our decision or get scared about the future again. I know there will be some challenges in the years to come, but I hear the joys outweigh the bad stuff tenfold. Plus, come what may, I truly believe Andy & I can get through anything together.
Despite numerous people telling us how our lives will never be the same…do this and that now before it’s too late, things will be chaotic…etc., Andy & I both agree the transition into parenthood has not bothered us one bit. I decided it must mean we were definitely ready and the time was right. No doubt about it, Kayden is a wonderful blessing and a welcome addition to our life. Now that we have her I cannot imagine a moment without her.
She is unquestionably one of the best decisions and greatest accomplishments of my entire life.
Birth Announcements
I am excited to get Kayden’s birth announcements sometime next week hopefully!
Free Canvas Print
I’m super excited…I was poking around the Freebies on the How Does She blog and I found an offer for a free 8×10 canvas print! Or, you can do like I did and upgrade to a larger version at a discounted price plus shipping.
You may recall the card we received from Andy’s Grandma in this post. I loved it so much I knew I needed to do more than just save the card so I used the verse on one of our favorite photos to create this:
I used the special offer from the Canvas People to save $55 off a 11″ x 14″ canvas print. Cannot wait to see it! I may cry every time I read it.
